2025: So Tired, Yet So Blessed

Sebenarnya kan, I am so happy and content with my 2025, despite some bumpy situations at work. Even though it was bumpy, I am grateful that I am now reporting to someone who, to me, at least for now, is really able to help cushion some of the impact. At least he supports me, although he can’t really help much. But sometimes, when everything feels super chaotic, at least he is there to provide recommendations and lets me navigate things my way, sensibly and accordingly. I don’t really want to talk about work here though, but I don’t know why I started with work stuff. 

Anyways… 

Looking back, I am grateful that Allah showered me with so many blessings especially when it comes to health. Even though I am not fit and still fat (hahaha lawak la), at my age and size, He still gives me the energy to power through. I was able to go to spin classes regularly, although towards the end of the year I wasn’t very consistent due to work. To some, this may sound like an excuse, but I genuinely couldn’t push myself further to stretch my energy after work or even on weekends. I really needed to wind down and regulate myself mentally, emotionally and physically because, seriously, towards the end of the year, work was so damn crazy and challenging for me. 

Well, in reality, the work itself was okay but I was just so damn tired of repeating myself so many times to people who, by right, should be able to grasp things easily. That took a huge mental load. I remember talking to one of the Unit Heads and he said to me, “Well Farah… don’t take things too seriously. Sometimes you just need to let the shit hit the ceiling.” But if I let that happen, the shit will hit my head too. No? 

Haha. Okay, okay, not going to write so much about work stuff. 

Selain nikmat sihat yang Allah beri, I am also grateful for the rezeki He blessed me with. I could afford things without constantly worrying whether I had enough left. I could pay my debts and commitments right on time, and most importantly, I managed to save a lot too, where I self-contributing to ASB and also my EPF. With the rezeki Allah blessed me with, I could also spend on the kind of holidays and places that I wanted to go to, and even splurge without having to worry too much about the price because I had enough. Words really cannot express how grateful and content I am with this blessing. Not that I am overly into money or wealth, but all my life, since I was small, even with my own family, I always felt like I was menumpang. I felt like they weren’t really happy or ikhlas to provide me with what I needed, let alone what I wanted. I used to tell my husband that I just want to grab whatever I like without having to check the price tag, because all this while, I didn’t dare to ask. 

This year, I travelled out of the country twice. I went for a Raya road trip to Southern Thailand (Satun–Krabi–Phuket–Hatyai) and also celebrated my birthday at Labuan Bajo (LBJ). The best one, of course, was my trip to LBJ. It was truly a healing trip, and I love LBJ with all my heart. I will write about the trip or maybe do a detailed sharing on TikTok about it. Let’s see how. Hopefully I’ll get that strong push to actually do it, hahaha. 

Sebenarnya, I do have angan-angan to monetize social media, especially TikTok, as a platform to engage with people, sharing tips, reflections, and reviews about places and things. I’ve actually prepped a few video contents already, but I still feel like I need to plan and curate things properly before posting. I think too much, but that’s just me… 

I have so much more to write about the things I’m grateful for, but after a while I just feel tired reflecting and thinking about how to write it all here hahaha. I don’t think I have readers to please anyway. This is just a place for me to pour my thoughts and reflections. Nak tulis diary or journal, lagi la malas, so might as well type things here. 

Oklah... I will write again soon, to continue with my 2025 reflections. Saya cuba. :)

Turning Pages: A Chapter of Gratitude, Hope, and New Beginnings

As I look back on the past six months, I’m filled with so much gratitude for the changes that have taken place in my life. Alhamdulillah, I’m now part of a new organization. The one that truly sees and values what I bring to the table. It feels good to finally be in a place where I feel content, where my work gives me a sense of purpose. Sure, there are challenges, but the daily feeling of being appreciated and genuinely happy makes it all so worth it.

Not long ago, I was in a completely different headspace. The environment I was in had become toxic, and it was really affecting my well-being. I remember feeling stuck, feeling so drained emotionally and spiritually. There were many days I cried, pouring my heart out in doa, asking Allah for a way out, for something better. I prayed hard for a fresh start, for a career that would give me more than just a paycheck, but something meaningful, something peaceful.

A turning point for me was my Umrah trip in August 2022. I had the incredible blessing of visiting Makkah and Madinah. These two places that hold so much weight in my heart. I used that time to ask Allah sincerely for guidance, especially when it came to my work and future. I’m so thankful to my husband for making that trip happen. May Allah reward him abundantly and grant him everything that is good for us, in both worlds.

When I turned 37 on November 18, I took a moment to pause and reflect. I made doa for good health, more blessings, and the chance to do more good, more pahala for the akhirah. Each birthday is a reminder for me: of what I’ve been through, how far I’ve come, and what truly matters in life.

In these moments of reflection, I also think about the wider ummah. As Muslims, our deen teaches us to lead with love, peace, and sincerity. It hurts to see how often that sincerity is taken for granted, especially in the case of our brothers and sisters in Palestine. Despite everything they've been through, they’ve always shown incredible generosity and resilience. It’s heartbreaking to witness their suffering, especially since October 7th. Today marks 49 days since then, and not a day has passed without making doa for them.

Ya Allah, grant them Your protection, raise their status, and bring them victory. Bring them peace and relief. Ameen.

This journey of change, healing, and faith has shown me just how powerful prayer can be. Trusting Allah’s timing, even when things feel uncertain, has brought me to where I am now. And for that, I’m deeply thankful. Here’s to moving forward with gratitude in my heart and tawakkal in my steps.

15032019 - Christchurch mosque shooting

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un
إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعون
Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return

It is truly heartbreaking.

I have no words to adequately convey my sadness, disappointment, and frustration over what has happened.

May the souls of the victims rest in peace.

Things are great, they've never been better!

I am writing this to my dear self so that I will be reminded in the future that I have made a good decision for myself and to demand the things that I truly deserve. All you need to do is ask, and of course, if you've been good to people, stay grounded, and always be respectful to people, even if some could be nasty to you and make your life hard and difficult. There will always be other people who can help you overcome them or their decisions toward you. Allah is fair, and for that, I am so thankful.

Today marks the 29th day of my tenure as the Head of Everything (HOE) at Yums. I am no longer working in the corporate world (well, not yet), and alhamdulillah, things are going incredibly well. I have been contemplating whether to concentrate and focus on Yums, but sometimes I can't help having thoughts and desires to be "somebody" in the corporate world. Silly, but I can't help myself. So, what happened is that I applied for a position in one of the well-known companies and one of the world's top 10 companies in its industry. Insha Allah, I've received good news, and I hope it is confirmed that I have the opportunity to join them.

Honestly, I did not expect this opportunity to come, but I am overjoyed, and I truly hope I'll perform well, that they'll like me, and most importantly, I pray to Allah that I get not only an efficient, skillful, and knowledgeable manager but also a morally good one. What I can say is that having a good supervisor is also a form of rezeki.

I've had enough of feeling anxious about everything every single day and being in a situation where I always worry about whether I am doing things right. I've also had enough of a situation where people are inconsistent with their words - reminding you not to assume things, but encouraging you to ask if you are not sure. Yet when you ask them, you are questioned about why you need to ask when you've encountered a similar or almost similar situation - which then leads you to make an assumption. Confusing, right?

There was no room for exploration, trying new things, being creative, or fully utilizing your problem-solving skills. Everything was expected to be right the first time. The moment you asked, you'd get the impression that you didn't try hard enough. You were not only evaluated for accuracy but also for speed, even though you were new. Being accountable for errors and being transparent about things you were unsure about, where you had to check to confirm before presenting your findings, were seen as weaknesses because they showed a lack of confidence. There were no reliable systems or tools to measure your performance, tasks completed, errors omitted, or any recognition for problem-solving. I did ask for it, but they could not provide it.

You'd also receive criticism for a typo in a free-text section. Ironically, almost every day you encountered others making silly typos, and no one made a fuss about it.

When a new request came in, you went through the materials together and followed the recommended actions. The second time you did it, someone highlighted that what you did was wrong, and you were asked why you did it wrong. When you explained that you were taught that way, there were no apologies given to you. You were forced to accept it and move on.

Nevertheless, it was a valuable experience, and perhaps it's time to reevaluate and re-plan my life, preparing for potential challenges or opportunities that may lie ahead - they might be great. I hope so!

“Sometimes it takes a wrong turn to get you to the right place.” ― Mandy Hale

“Everyday presents a new opportunity to grow and press forward to your success. Stay the course believing that where you are right now doesn't matter, as long as you are moving in the right direction.” ― Germany Kent

For now, let's savor the moment. I must admit, I'm quite enjoying being the HOE of Yums! I've been able to address numerous challenges, delve into new areas of marketing and sales strategy, and successfully boost sales within just two weeks (after dedicating time to research and extensive reading, of course!). Some of our loyal customers have advised me to concentrate solely on the business, as they see potential in both the business itself and in me. However, a part of me reminds me that I'm still young, so I should channel my energy towards achieving my goals in the corporate world for at least the next 10 years before considering a full focus on the business.

Rest assured, I will take my time to carefully and thoroughly consider my options and continue to educate myself so that I can make the best decision for myself.

Till then.

Telaga Bunga Spa @ Royale Chulan Hotel

A spa day with my best friend was just what I needed!

This marked my second visit to Telaga Bunga Spa. My initial experience was delightful and incredibly relaxing, but the second one left me a bit disappointed because the masseuse/therapist was different, and it didn't provide the same level of satisfaction.

I'm a fan of great deals, so my best friend and I purchased vouchers from Fave called "The Bali Dream." It offered a 2-Hour Spa Package for two people at a price of only RM240, a significant discount from the regular price of RM896. 

Before the treatment began, we were served a cup of warm ginger tea. Honestly, I didn't particularly enjoy the taste. Hiks. Then we were asked to undress and provided with disposable underwear. Throughout the session, we were covered with a combination of sheets and towels. It felt a bit uncomfortable initially, but I got used to it during my second visit. Hehe...

The treatment followed a pretty standard routine. It commenced with a full-body scrub, followed by a warm shower, a full-body massage, and concluded with a facial and head massage.

My first visit to the spa had been immensely satisfying, which prompted me to return for a second visit. Unfortunately, the second experience didn't measure up, leaving me uncertain about whether I'd want to go again.

This is how the entrance looks like. It has a bit of Balinese feeling and touch.

The waiting room.

Not so nice ginger teas lol.

Post massage situation. 

 I love the hotel's architecture. It looks so cool with the classic traditional Malay's touch.

That blue sky though!

Personal rating: 3.5/5

Here's some information about the spa in case you'd like to give it a try. :)

Telaga Bunga Spa @ Royale Chulan Hotel
Address: 5, Jalan Conlay,
The Royale Chulan Hotel,
Kuala Lumpur 50450, Malaysia
Phone: +603-2166 2277
Email: telagabungaspa@theroyalechulan.com.my
Website: http://www.cemaraayu.com/

Home alone and feeling a bit lonely at the moment...

My husband flew to his hometown on Saturday morning to deal with matters related to our retirement home. He will return at the end of February, leaving me at home feeling lonely, worried, and sad for various reasons. Maybe it's just hormones.

I've been contemplating early retirement and dedicating my days to helping my husband with his business, taking it to the next level. I discussed this with my husband, and he asked me to wait for his return from his trip to discuss and plan further. Lately, I've been a bit dramatic...

As much as I love my career, it's been taking a toll on my health, and I've realized I have symptoms related to anxiety disorder. I worry excessively, feel nervous, and experience unnecessary panic attacks every day, making it challenging to sleep at night and leaving me feeling tired every day. It doesn't seem worth it at all. What's worse, sometimes I feel like people dislike me and think I'm foolish, which makes me feel worthless and useless.

There are times when I contemplate walking away from it all, just quitting, and other times when I'm highly motivated and want to prove that I can excel. It's all quite confusing, and things become scarier when my husband is not around because I have no one to turn to, no one to share my emotional burden with. It's only day 2, and I already miss him so much. Talking on the phone doesn't help because all I want is his physical presence around me. :(

I was looking for my laptop charger just now and couldn't find it. I suspected my husband had stored it somewhere, and it made me extremely frustrated because I couldn't locate the charger. I left him some rude WhatsApp messages out of disappointment. He also didn't call to check on me the entire day, which added to my frustration.

I was also trying to back up all the photos from my travels on Capture because the app will be discontinued in Malaysia, and the slow progress stressed me out!

Today has been a really tough and sad day for me. :(

Fararerarera - The Whatever Blog & Some Takeaways From 2017

I've just set up a new blog that I've named "Fararerarera - The Whatever Blog." I decided to delete my old blog because I no longer felt like maintaining it; it had become rather boring.

I'd like to take a moment to reflect on what transpired in 2017. It was undeniably a challenging year for me, filled with unexpected and spontaneous trips that I thoroughly enjoyed. The year proved to be challenging primarily due to my job loss, which left me feeling scared and helpless about my career prospects, particularly the prospect of having to restart and endure job interviews, which I despise.

Alhamdulillah, I managed to navigate through these difficulties. I even secured a position at one of the top international insurance broking firms before my last day at my previous job. Subsequently, after six months of feeling unsatisfied with tasks that didn't align with my interests, I joined one of the top ten international reinsurance firms.

Speaking of my current career, I must admit that I'm genuinely excited about it. This month marks my third month with the company, and I'm still a work in progress. I'm constantly striving to learn and adapt to new things, processes, compliance requirements, terminology, and company culture, all while striving to minimize errors.

I've never had to work as diligently and tirelessly as I do now.

During this journey, I came across two verses from the Quran and the Bible that have given me hope and I'd like to share them here.

I have decided that from now on, in everything I undertake, I will place my trust in Allah, for He is the best of planners. May happiness, contentment, and success always be with us.

Since I shared quite a bit about career-related lessons from 2017 in my first post, I'll focus on different topics in my next entry.

Until then.